The 2 Reasons I Cuss (Unapologetically)
This week Rain headed off on a 5-day camping trip with her school. I’ve cried every day since.
I know! But, there’s no contact with these kiddos at all for FIVE DAYS!
I don’t get to talk to her. To hear her little voice. To tell her I love her.
AND, I know she’s fine. I know she’s living her best life and not worried about me at all.
Oh, the joys of being a parent.
Speaking of, well… speaking…
One of the most important parts of becoming the SELF you want to become is self-expression.
And there are lots of ways to do that.
There’s fashion and style, facial expressions, the car your drive, and even the people you spend time with.
There’s also speaking. Words.
Oh, the words you can use to express yourself.
A couple of weeks ago, I shared how to set boundaries and asked others to share what boundaries THEY would set.
And they did. (Amazing btw!)
One response I received back was, “My boundary is to kindly request that swearing be removed from these emails.”
I love that this wonderful human is clear on their boundaries. SO good!
AND I love that they have no problem sharing what their boundaries are. Again, SO good!
They’ve done nothing wrong here.
It opened up a door for me to use this as a learning/teaching moment and I’m very grateful for that.
Does that mean I’m going to remove swearing from these blogs?
Do I not love and respect this reader who so courageously wrote in?
Of course I do!
But love and respect does not equal compromising who you are.
I simply won’t dim mySELF for anyone.
What I WILL do is use this as an opportunity to share with you why I choose to express myself using swear words. I mean, we’re friends, you deserve to know what makes me tick (or say “fuck”.)
So, here goes…
My choice of language comes from two places:
- My past
- My passion
Let’s start with my past.
I was physically and emotionally abused as far back as I can remember.
The first time I was molested, I was 5 years old.
My innocence was forever shattered and I realized that the only person who could protect me was me.
From that moment on, I put on armor to protect myself. And part of that armor was my mouth.
It was the words I used to let people know not to “fuck” with me. To leave me alone.
It was a form of SELF defense.
Swearing became part of my Identity.
I was the kind of person who used strong language to protect myself.
The truth is, I still sometimes use it for that reason today, even though it’s not my desired go-to behavior. But… we’re all works in progress, right?
What I know for sure is swearing has just become part of who I am – for self expression, for fun, for all sorts of reasons.
And I don’t apologize for that.
The bottom line is I like who I am and I like the words I use to express mySELF. So, I’ll keep using them.
Then, there’s my passion.
My message is one of PASSION and inspiration.
I’m working to get people out of their heads and into action, fighting every day for YOUR dream life and I’m fighting the thoughts that tell you you can’t.
The past that tries to hold you back. And the future that tells you you’re not good enough for it.
I’m fighting a world that tells you mediocrity is a good thing and to stop being selfish.
I mean, can I get a witness?!
Sometimes, I need you to hear what the fuck I have to say and the only way I have to compete with all those other things are the words I use.
And I don’t apologize for this.
My businesses have become world class because of my dedication, authenticity, and passion.
Sometimes that passion translates to language everyone might not be comfortable with, while others will be motivated and inspired.
Now, obviously I don’t ALWAYS use strong language.
Sometimes, it doesn’t serve the work I’m doing. Maybe it doesn’t serve the person I’m with or it doesn’t serve the moment.
But when it does, I’m gon’ do me.
What about you?
How do YOU express (or want to express) yourSELF?
Maybe it’s by the language you use, the clothes you wear, your haircut, or your home.
Get clear on this and start to embrace it as part of your Identity.
TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR OWN REACTIONS
I’ve heard people talk about being offended by others using swear words.
Let’s talk about what it means to be offended, shall we?
Here’s how I think about it…
I am in control of the meaning I give to the words someone says.
I am also in control of the emotions I feel as a result.
If I’m triggered or offended, my first inquiry should be directed to me, not the person saying the “offensive” words.
What part of me is being triggered and why? What work do I need to do?
Maybe I need to open my heart and mind and be more accepting. Maybe I need to shift my focus and see things through another person’s lens.
The thing to take away is… no one makes you feel anything.
Something happens, you tell a story about it, and then you choose to feel a certain way.
I have found that taking responsibility for my own reactions is far more effective than the anger and frustration that accompanies blaming someone else.
Focusing on what is in my control empowers me to shape my experience. It empowers me to be SELF Made.
So, the next time you feel yourSELF being offended, lean into it. Play around the edges. Wonder where this feeling comes from and what’s triggering you. See where your work lies.
But wait… there’s more: If you want another take on words and the meanings we give them, check out my friend, Sean Croxton’s, podcast episode right here. It’s just a few minutes but worth the listen!
Can swearing be a form of SELF Care? Fuck yeah it can!
In fact, there are many studies that show how swearing can have a wide range of positive effects.
- People who swear are more honest.
- Swearing is a sign of intelligence.
- Swearing increases your pain tolerance.
- Cussing during a workout can make you stronger.
And this is just the beginning.
If you wanna dive deeper, I’ve been enjoying the book, Swearing Is Good For You: The Amazing Science of Bad Language
This fun read shares some great info on how swearing has been shown to lower anxiety, prevent physical violence, help trauma victims recover language, and promote human cooperation.
What?! I think you’ll like it.
KNOW WHO YOU ARE
Success requires self-expression, which requires self-awareness.
Makes sense, right?
You can’t express yourSELF if you don’t know who you are or what you want to express in the first place!
Success requires you to know who you are so you can stand firmly in that and not compromise. This is how you begin to trust yourSELF.
Remember, it’s just as important to repel people as it is to attract them. Don’t be afraid of offending people. You can’t anyway. As I said above, if someone feels offended, that’s their CHOICE.
Now, obviously, don’t be a dick. I mean… hi.
But do… be YOU.
Be… SELF Made.