The 3 Steps To Ask For Help (And Get It)
This week, Zak returned home on Sunday and we all went out for dinner at one of our favorite Italian restaurants.
They had live music and it was such a laidback vibe. I love places like that, don’t you?
We spent a few quiet days at home, had dinner with our friends, Anne and Shawn Stevenson, and then hopped on a plane for a quick trip to Portland.
And nowwwww, we’re headed back to LA tomorrow! Whew!
Before I left LA, I hired a new personal assistant and she’s exactly what I’ve been looking for!
You see, as I’m embarking on this new chapter of reimagining and reinvention that I talked about last week, I’m getting the support I need.
This is new for me.
The way I grew up, if you wanted something you had to work hard to get it.
I thought asking for help was a sign of weakness.
So, I never did.
I didn’t admit when I was struggling.
I just pushed through the fear, anxiety, and uncertainty.
Sometimes I succeeded in spite of mySELF.
More times than I can count, I failed.
You see, I was out here in these streets doing it all like I invented it.
I told mySELF all kinds of stories…
- “No one will care as much as you do.”
- “No one can do it as good as you can.”
- “I can do it faster than getting someone to help.”
- “They’ll think I’m weak/not smart enough/etc. if I ask for help.”
What I know now is this…
… trying to do it all on your own is as outdated as last season’s fashion trends.
We’ve been sold this fairytale idea that we have to be self-reliant superheroes, conquering every challenge solo.
And I call bullshit.
Don’t believe the LIES!
Even the smartest, richest, most capable people ask for – and receive – help.
So, why don’t you?
Today, I’ll share how YOU can get support (even if you’re worried about what people will think).
Keep reading, love cat!
3 STEPS TO ASK FOR HELP
Raise your hand if you’ve ever held back from asking for help because you were afraid of being judged.
Raises hand dramatically
Guilty as charged!
But here’s the deal… seeking assistance is not a sign of inadequacy.
It’s a sign of being a savvy motherfucker who knows their limits AND is STILL determined to smash through barriers and create their dream life!
Can I get a witness?!
Asking for help is not just a bold move; it’s a testament to our commitment to our dreams.
So… Howwwww, Cynthia? How can I ask for help?
Step 1: Channel Your Inner Sherlock Holmes
Before you go knocking on doors for support, get clear on what you need help with, and articulate it as your Future SELF would. If YOU understand your needs clearly, you’ll be able to ask for – and get – exactly what you need.
Step 2: Assemble Your Dream Team
Now that you know what you need, it’s time to round up your squad. Seek out people who’ve got the skills, knowledge, and willingness to pitch in. This could be a coach, a coworker, or even your bestie.
Step 3: Say What You Mean
When you approach someone for help, be clear, concise, and confident. Explain why you need their support, how their expertise can work wonders, and how it aligns with your goals.
And there you have it — a crash course in the bold art of asking for help.
And remember, while being SELF Made doesn’t have anything to do with anyone else, it also doesn’t exclude them. Being SELF Made is about crafting the Identity of your Future Self and stepping into that every single day – not being afraid to get the support you need to be that person.
ASKING FOR HELP CAN MAKE YOU FRIENDS
Did you know that asking for help can actually make people like you MORE?
I know! I thought it was crazy too but… it’s true.
They call it The Benjamin Franklin Effect. 🤯
Check it out…
The Benjamin Franklin Effect is a cognitive bias that causes people to like someone MORE AFTER they do that person a favor, especially if they PREVIOUSLY DISLIKED that person or felt neutral toward them.
You can’t make it up!
And before you think ol’ Ben had been flying too many kites in the rain, you should know that studies back him up on this!
You see, Ben knew how to deal with haters.
When he was running for office once, his opponent spoke out against him (as opponents will do). Ben, not to be outdone, decided to work his mental magic.
So, he reached out to his hater and asked a favor. He wanted to borrow a rare book.
His rival, flattered and taken off-guard sent him the book. A week later, Ben returned the book with his deepest thanks.
The next time the hater saw Ben (probably walking down a cobblestone street in those fancy shoes with the gold buckles), he approached him and struck up a friendship that continued until his death.
I know. It’s the best.
So, here’s the bottom line…
Ask for help, even from people who may not be your biggest fans. Because in the end, they just might be.
TEAMWORK MAKES THE DREAM WORK!
One of my secrets to success has been the support of others, no doubt about it.
Whether they’ve helped me promote a book or a program, interviewed me on a podcast, or introduced me to someone that could help me get to the next step… support has been a game changer.
I’ve asked for, and received, help with caring for my daughter, cleaning my home, doing my taxes, meeting people, accountability for workouts and meals, and increasing my knowledge of a particular subject.
Remember, asking for help is not a burden—it’s an opportunity for others to showcase their talents and be a part of your main character success story.
So, assemble your dream team like a boss, and watch as they join forces to make magic happen!
Here are some other resources I found helpful and wanted to share:
Asking for Help, Practicing Human Podcast
Asking For Help Is A Strength, Not A Weakness| Michele L. Sullivan TED Talk