How to STOP Self-Sabotage And START Being Successful
What a week it has been!
Rain interviewed at ANOTHER possible high school and crushed it!
I’m just so proud of her and any of these schools would be lucky to have her.
I tossed a few things in a bag last night and in an hour or so, Zak and I will be flying to our second home in Portland.
This week I had some great clarity meetings with my team and we are LIT UP about what we’re launching and creating this year.
This will be our biggest year yet for ALL the companies and I’m just so excited by all the people we’ll help!
Last week I shared with you that the focus of my work in 2024 will be helping ambitious entrepreneurs who are overworked, exhausted, and just want to do iconic shit and be seen as the authority in their niche effortlessly scale their business to $100k a month in passive income – while having plenty of time for luxury travel, slow mornings, spending time with their kids, and continuing to build their motherfucking empire.
I know, it’s a mouthful. And I’m here for it.
I also gave you some prompts and thoughts on defining who YOU want to be.
After all, you can’t live your dream life if you don’t know what it is.
Did you get clarity on your Future Self? If not, there’s no time like the present, it IS SELF Made Sunday after all.
If you did, let’s keep going.
Because if there’s one thing I know after coaching clients for 18 years now (where does the time go?), it’s this…
Once you have clarity on who you want to be and what you want to have, you will do everything in your power to make sure you don’t get it IF you don’t think you’re worthy of having it.
You might wanna read that again.
Another way to say that is, nothing will sabotage our happiness and success more thoroughly than the fear that we are not enough.
SELF doubt and SELF sabotage are hairy monsters that deter us from making lots of money and having plenty of time for luxury travel, slow mornings, and spending time with our kids.
And I’m not available for that.
What Self-Sabotage Actually Means
Let’s see… how can I say this gently…
You are the problem.
Yeah, I was never very good at sugar-coating things.
What I mean by that is this… The biggest thing holding you back is almost always you.
It’s the biggest thing holding ME back too! You are not alone.
Alyce Cornyn-Selby who has written a lot over the years on self-sabotage says…
“Self-sabotage is when we say we want something and then go about making sure it doesn’t happen.”
Now, I know that sounds crazy. Fucking ludicrous, in fact.
We’re all smart people here.
We’ve managed to get this far in our lives. We’ve done some good shit.
Why would we EVER set goals and then go about making absolute sure we don’t reach them?
Simply put… because we don’t think we’re worthy of having them.
You know I’m right.
But that’s just crazy talk!
Of COURSE, we’re worthy of having them! We’re meant to have it ALL and you cannot tell me different.
But it’s not me we’re trying to convince here.
I can tell you allllll day about how fucking amazing you are but SELF acceptance is an inside job.
So, I invite you to put away the punching bag that has your face on it and instead, focus on what makes you unique, super cool, and phenomenal as fuck.
In fact… make a list.
Put on some nice music, grab a drink, and go to town!
If you need a little extra help because your brain is being an a$$hole today, let those negative flow onto paper too. Whatever comes up… write it down.
Then… rewrite those stories so they say the opposite. Yep, simply rephrase them.
Then, look for evidence. That’s right… look for evidence that your new story is true.
Once you’ve got your list(s), read them again.
Read them again tomorrow.
And the next day. And the next, and ALL the days after that until you believe them.
You’re magic, one of a kind, the real deal. Don’t forget that.
Why We Self-Sabotage When Things Are Going So Well
Ok… plot twist…
Have things ever been going REALLY well in your life, you know… smooth like a baby’s tail, and you decide to just… fuck things up?
Let me give you some examples from my clients…
One of my business owners had her best year ever and proceeded to go home and pick a huge fight with her husband. They didn’t talk for days.
Another client finally met “the man of her dreams” (her words) and after he flew her on a private jet to Bali, she decided to break up with him. Why? She didn’t like that he wanted to relax so much.
Why are we like this?!
Why do we self-sabotage when things are going SO well?
I think you know the answer.
It’s because we don’t feel worthy.
Same story, different pair of shoes.
If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times… the stories you tell yourSELF about yourSELF create yourSELF.
If you tell yourSELF you’re not worthy, I guarantee you will find a way to prove yourSELF true.
Every. Single. Time.
So… if you didn’t do the exercise in the SELF Coaching section, back up you go!
And if you did, go ahead and read your answers again.
Then, get clear on who you would need to become through the process of re-identifying (simply choosing a new Identity) and start acting as if you’re that person now.
You’ve clearly outgrown your old Identity so trade it in for a new model.
Get clear on who you are now. What your new standards are. How you live. How you be. AND (most importantly) what you’re worthy of.
Embody that new identity day and night.
And the next time things are going really well and you find yourself wanting to fuck them up, remind yourSELF of WHO you are and proceed accordingly.
How to Know If You’re Self-Sabotaging Yourself From Success
Brian Tracy said, “Self-doubt does more to sabotage individual potential than all external limitations put together.”
That guy was onto something.
When it comes to your success, there’s a few key ways to tell if you’re self-sabotaging.
- You procrastinate. You don’t launch the thing, ask for the sale, or do the work. You wanna wait until it’s jusssssst right before you put your brain child into the world.
- You underprice your products or services. Or you don’t sell them at all.
- You hide. In other words, you hesitate to put yourself out there. You don’t promote your work. You don’t share your gifts.
Now… what do all of these things have in common?
YESSSSSSSS… you do ALL of them because you don’t believe you’re worthy.
You fear success because you don’t think you’re worthy of having it.
So, you procrastinate, you don’t ask for the money, you don’t share your gifts.
Because when it comes down to it, you don’t think you’re good enough.
And YOU… would be wrong.
To fix this? Go back to the previous two sections.
Rewrite your stories that tell you you’re anything but worthy, deserving, and the main MF character.
Choose the Identity you want to embody.
And then do that. Every minute of every day.
When you forget who you are, go back to the stories. Remind yourself of your Identity.
I know, I know… #brokenrecord.
But IF you do the work, it will change your life.
You will shift your thoughts and your beliefs.
You will feel confident.
You’ll take good care of yourself, set boundaries and higher standards, and make a shit ton of money.
You’ll become SELF Made.
AND, as I always say…
The choice, as always, is yours.